Poisons in a Relationship of Couple

The laboratory of love.

This is the name of the place of the University of Washington in which, for four decades, Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, and his team have studied more than 3,000 couples.

Gottman says he can predict with 90% accuracy whether a couple will stay together or not.

But he also says that couples can save their relationship by detecting warning signs and changing the way they treat each other.

The poisons

The Gottman Institute has identified four potential problems for a relationship, which they call “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

Analyze these poisons in a couple relationship:

Poisons in a Relationship of Couple

1. Criticism:

If you criticize your partner, it may feel as if you are attacking his personality or his nature.

That is much more damaging than a complaint or a negative comment.

2. Disregard:

This is the strongest harbinger of the failure of a relationship and usually feeds on negative thoughts kept for a long time.

Pay attention to telltale signs such as sarcasm, insults, teasing, and ridicule.

3. Be on guard:

When feeling attacked in a relationship, the usual reaction is to protect your feelings, either by self-absorption or by bursting with anger.

Many people become defensive when criticized, but it really is a way to blame the couple.

4. The cure of silence:

Although this avoids confrontation, this closure of communication produces the effect of raising the heart rate to more than 100 beats per minute, which leaves us physically overwhelmed.

So, how do we combat these four evils that can cause a relationship to fail?

We tell you Dr. Gottman’s recommendations.

1. Complain without blaming.

Talk about your feelings about your relationship with your partner using phrases that include the pronoun “I”.

Instead of saying: “You always talk about yourself,” say: “I feel ignored; Could we talk about how things went for me today? ”

2. The culture of respect.

Think and concentrate on your partner’s positive things.

Show him appreciation, affection and how proud you are of him or her.

3. Take responsibility.

Even if you do not agree with your partner, listen to him and assume some responsibility.

Say: “I should have hurried,” instead of “It’s your fault that we’re always late.”

4. Take it easy.

Take a few minutes to reduce your heart rate before you start arguing.

Instead of ignoring your partner, read a book or take a walk and then talk calmly.

5. Seek help.

Speaking is not the same as communicating and “often nobody teaches us to communicate, neither at school nor at home,” says Peter Saddlington, a psychologist at Relate UK, an organization that has offered support to couples for 70 years.

“Counseling can help develop the ability to communicate better.”